I came to a realisation the other day. It was as my husband and I were tiptoeing around our new house trying not to wake the baby up from his day sleep.

And do you know what my realisation was?

It was that I have become THAT parent. Yep, THAT dreaded parent…Oops.

Well, in fairness, we both have.

We have somehow developed into the kind of parents that we never thought we would be…And if I wasn’t so freaked out by who we have become, then it would actually be kind of amusing.

When we were thinking about getting pregnant, waaaaaaay before our little one even came along, we used to talk about the kind of parents that we wanted to be.

Our list included things like:

• We would make as much noise as we wanted and the baby just had to get used to it and sleep through it.
• We would continue living our lives and the baby would just have to fit into our schedule. We wouldn’t be fitting ourselves into the BABIES schedule, no way José. And,
• We would NEVER be helicopter parents. That’s just ridiculous, let kids be bloody kids. If he wants to high dive off the back of the couch then that was his problem. He will only do it once right?!

Oh my god. Even writing that list I am almost peeing my pants with laughter.

Because even though these ideas are great in theory, they are surprisingly difficult to execute in reality.

Yes, the big fat joker that is reality has moulded us into something a little different, and we have become absolute POLAR opposites of what we had imagined we would be. Maybe the joke was on us in the end?!!

We were going to make as much noise as we wanted?? Ha!

These days we spend most of our days DESPERATELY trying NOT to wake the baby. All we want is the occasional bloody cup of coffee without a teeny human dangling from our pants leg or to hang out the washing without someone trying to climb into the toilet as soon as our backs are turned. And just some preciously precious peace and quiet. This is why we resort to tiptoeing from one end of the house to the other… It’s out of sheer fear of a mini tyrant who (if tired) will only be able to happily function if connected to you somehow, making movement of any kind completely impossible.

Uh Uh *shakes head* not worth it.

If my husband even opens a squeaky door (like tonight…repeatedly), then I find myself contemplating divorce… or even potentially murder. I start mentally hunting for a pitchfork. And I know it’s the same in reverse. If I even sneeze at a volume level above a whisper, then he shoots such daggers at me with his eyes that I half drop dead on the spot.

Make noise and I’ll kill you, our eyes say to each other. Forcefully.

We were going to live our regular lives and fit the baby into our schedule.

Huh? We were going to live our regular lives and fit the baby into OUR schedule?? Ha!

Weeeellllll, we tried it but as it turns out, our regular lives just weren’t really worth it…

Our lives had actually completely changed! Now, we would spend our time worrying that if we didn’t get home and put the baby to bed by 3pm, then the baby might not sleep, and if the baby doesn’t sleep, then baby will get grizzly, and if baby got grizzly, mummy and daddy may have to toss baby into the car and pray that the gentle roar of the local freeway will soothe said baby into unconsciousness whilst desperately trying not to fall asleep themselves. #fail

We also never go out for dinner anymore unless it is with fellow minded parents who want to start eating dinner at 5 and finish dinner by 5:30pm. Then we will totally go out for dinner with them. Sort of. Well…we did it once. Because we KNOW that THAT night will be the night that the baby wakes up every hour on the hour to party with mummy and daddy. Kids are evil genius’ like that.

It’s just what they do. It’s what they LIVE for.

We would NEVER be helicopter parents??

Huh?? We would never be helicopter parents, and we would let him do whatever he wants so he learns greater lessons about life? Ha!

I mean, that sounds great and all, but since having my son, I have discovered that I am rather allergic to certain new things… Like the sound of my sons crying.

I mean, when he cries I (not really) develop a fever a horrific rash and my eye starts (not really) twitching as soon as his mouth even opens to wail. It’s the crumpled face and the genuine (crocodile) tears that get me every time, so I try to avoid seeing it happen altogether.

Ok, well… not really. We aren’t really that helicopter-y, but I know in my heart of hearts that if he does one day try to swan dive off the back of the couch onto our tiles with his face, then I will definitely try to catch him. I mean, he is really cute… And the life lesson that would come out of it just isn’t worth a broken baby face…

But it is really interesting watching who we have become.

It’s such a long way from where we thought we would be. And that’s ok. We have one super happy kid who spends most of his days just loving the shit out of life…So we must be doing something bloody right…

Right??!

 

Are you the kind of parent you thought you would be before you had kids? How do you differ? 

Leave me a comment and let me know all about it below! 

xxxx

 

By the way… Studies from the University of mummalifelovebaby (MLLBU) show that people who subscribe to the mummalifelovebaby website are more hilarious and attractive than most other people. Since you don’t want to be either weird-looking or as boring as a blade of grass, then you had better sign up now!  

And if you DO sign up now (seriously, do it), then you will receive my free mini ebook – “3 amazing things that you MUST do with chocolate”. YOU LUCKY THING! I mean, HELLO! Chocolate!

xxxxx